Help | I’m about to give birth, but what should I do if I have suffered the violence of my husband?

A few days ago, I saw a very heartbroken thing in my mother’s group. A mother who had a due date in early October suffered a domestic violence, and the family atrocities were not the first time.

Family violence is a clear prohibition of law. Many people think that domestic violence is housework and private affairs, and others cannot manage it.In fact, domestic violence is definitely not housework. As early as 2016, the state has promulgated the "People’s Republic of China against Family Violence Law" to prohibit any form of domestic violence, which includes psychological violence such as regular abuse and intimidation.In response to this incident, the mothers in the group also gave a variety of reference suggestions, hoping that these suggestions can help some sisters with the same trouble.

For pregnant mothers, domestic violence will not only cause physical harm to them, but also affect the mental state of pregnant mothers, increase risk of abortion and premature birth. Therefore, if pregnant mothers unfortunately encounter domestic violence, please stay away from the violence.Immediately alarm, the police will issue a written warning to the perpetrators, and the victim can also apply to the court for a "personal safety protection order".

Once domestic violence has the first time and does not get intervention, it is easy to occur for the second, third or even N times.For example, the pregnant mother mentioned in the article still has not stopped the family violence once the baby is born, then it will not only cause physical and mental impact on the victim, but also cause indelible harm to the child as a witness.

Bi Shumin mentioned in "Home Question" that "children who grow up in chaos and ugly atmosphere are painful products of pseudo -inferior families. They are so effective and lack of ability to distinguish, thinking that this is the model of the world."

Parents are the first teacher of the child’s growth. Parents’ behavior affects their children’s cognition.When children are always witnessing domestic violence, they will mistakenly think that "family should be like this, violence can solve problems" so that they will agree with family violence and even turn themselves into a violence.

In the anti -family violence promotional film "Seeing Smok", the little boy saw his mother be beaten and humiliated since he was a child. He once said that he must not become a person like his father, but when he grew up, when he could not control his emotions, he could not control his emotions.He will be involuntarily beat his wife like his father.

In the end, he became a "father" he was afraid of.

Image source: "Seeing Bulk"

In addition to habitual violence, children who have witnessed domestic violence will also have short -term and long -term psychological health problems, including post -trauma stress disorder, depression, anxiety, intimate relationships, self -blame, etc.In addition, after a neurologist scan the cerebral cortex of children who have lived in domestic violence for a long time, they discovered the phenomenon of stagnation in some areas or abnormally sensitive to external stimuli.Strong offensive, autistic, drug -absorbing drugs, early pregnancy, crime and other problems are related to the risk factors of witnessing domestic violence.In the corner we can’t see, children will feel nervous and fearful because of their parents’ quarrels or violence, and they dare not release their emotions. These long -term accumulated depression will grow with the children.After growing up, they will find various ways to release, such as alcoholism, fighting, and some children choose to continue to suppress themselves, carefully please everyone around, and sink in their "psychological vortex".

So you see, the domestic violence is destroyed, far more than one generation.

For children’s growth and long -term relationship between husband and wife, we must resist family violence.When violent behavior occurs, we can choose to call the police, but at this time the damage has occurred, so the best way to resist domestic violence is to prevent it as possible and reduce damage.

There are many reasons for domestic violence. The most common of which is to quarrel because of different opinions. Once an agreement cannot be reached, it may eventually upgrade to violence.

In other words, if you can communicate well at the beginning and scientifically quarrel, you can actually avoid many domestic violence.When the husband and wife have different opinions and quarrel, you must achieve "three"!

Don’t lose your mind.First of all, you need to calm yourself down as much as possible, at least what the purpose of your quarrel is at least.

Don’t respond negatively.Even if the attitude of TA may be bad, you should not deal with negative methods such as ridicule, provocations, etc. This is easy to irritate each other’s emotions, so that the problem that can be easily solved expands, and even rises to domestic violence.

Don’t turn over the old account.When many husbands and wives quarreled behind, they were no longer to solve the problem that caused this quarrel, but to blindly want to win and consolidate their authority.Once you turn over the old account, your problems will only be more and more, and contradictions will continue to intensify, increasing the risk of domestic violence.

While doing "three do not want", you can also try to alleviate the tense atmosphere of quarrels through some communication skills.John Gotman, the founder of Emotion Coach, put forward the following relief techniques for the intense husband and wife relationship when quarreling:

Express -to some extent agree with the partner’s opinion."Okay, if I see that the fuel tank is almost empty, I will go home on the way home."

Questions -ask questions about your partner’s feelings or opinions."Please help me clarify my thinking. Is it in your opinion, I deliberately not cheer?"

Express love -expressing care and love through behavior, expressions, or verbally.

Transfer the topic -intentionally transferring the topic to nothing or not, it is often effective.

Make a commitment -agree with the future improvement.

Frank self -admit your thoughts and feelings.

Responsibility -admitting that this is your own mistake."I didn’t notice that doing so will affect you."

Express and understand -let the other party know that you have the ability to empathize."I know your feelings. I know you think your burden is too heavy, and what I do not only does not help you reduce the burden, but also let it worsen."

Emphasize "us" -themicity of you to affirm marriage and emphasize relationships."You see, at least we can spread this matter to discuss."

If you still cannot change each other’s family violence through all kinds of attempts, then you need to consider whether to terminate the relationship between husband and wife for your physical and mental health of yourself and your child.

We always say that try not to quarrel in front of the child, but under the same roof, it is not realistic to avoid the child every time you quarrel.

Then when the child hit his parents quarrel, the parents must explain the quarrel to the child in time.In "Big Bang", Leonard and Penny showed us how parents explain their parents’ quarrels to their children.

Tell the child that although the parents seem to be out of control, everything is within the scope of safety. This quarrel is to release emotions and solve problems, but this does not affect the love of parents, and it does not affect the parents’ love for their children.

If you accidentally quarrel in front of your child, remember to reconcile in front of the child.

The close couple relationship is the best gift for parents to give their children. Harmonious family relationships are the biggest confidence in the growth of children.

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